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Re: [PyrNet-L] Chat: Dont's for Listers :-)
Is the only answer a "virtual reality dog"?
Bert
----- Original Message -----
From: Tracy Bassett <espinay@dynamite.com.au>
To: <pyrnet-l@pyrnet.org>; Great Pyrenees Discussion List
<PYR-L@APPLE.EASE.LSOFT.COM>
Sent: Friday, July 30, 1999 6:50 PM
Subject: [PyrNet-L] Chat: Dont's for Listers :-)
> Hi folks! I thought fellow listers might get a kick out of this piece sent
> to me by a friend and fellow list junky (different lists). Enjoy! :-) :
>
> Dear Fellow Dog Enthusiast,
> Does it seem like every time you try and post a question or comment to a
dog
> list, you get yourself into trouble? If so, then this list is for
> you. If you religiously follow all of the rules on this Official DON'T
> list, you'll never get in trouble again.
>
> ~~ The Official Dog Enthusiast's DON'T List ~~
>
> DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed. It will cause aggression problems
> down the road.
>
> DON'T make your dog sleep in a crate. Crate is just another word for
> small cage.
>
> DON'T let your dog sleep outside at night. If God had wanted dogs to
> sleep outside, he would have covered their body with hair to keep them
> warm.
>
> DON'T let your dog sleep. You should be playing with him all the time.
>
> DON'T keep more than two dogs. Each individual dog requires considerable
> time and energy, and it is impossible for a responsible dog owner to spend
> quality time with more than two dogs.
>
> DON'T keep less than five dogs. Dogs are pack animals, and five dogs is
> the minimum number for proper socialization.
>
> DON'T feed your dog kibble. Kibble is the invention of evil capitalists
> who want your money, and kibble has no nutritional value whatsoever. You
> might as well feed your dog sawdust.
>
> DON'T cook your dog's meat or chicken. Cooking destroys all the
> nutrients.
>
> DON'T feed your dog raw meat or raw chicken. Raw food contains
> salmonella, e-coli, and other harmful bacteria.
>
> DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl. It will turn his nose
> pink.
>
> DON'T post messages to a dog list. You will surely get bopped on the
> head for thinking that someone else cares about your silly little
> opinions.
>
> DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has nothing to do with dogs,
> but it's a good rule nonetheless.
>
> DON'T microchip your dog. A nearby cell phone can cause a microchipped
> dog to explode, or so says the lady running the tattoo booth.
>
> DON'T tattoo your dog on the ear. A dog thief will cut off the tattooed
> ear.
>
> DON'T tattoo your dog on the thigh. He'll be a tripod before you can say
> Ginsu.
>
> DON'T keep a collar on your dog when unattended. He could get caught on
> something and choke.
>
> DON'T leave your dog unattended without a collar. He could run away
> without any identification.
>
> DON'T transport your dog in a plastic crate. Plastic crates don't allow
> sufficient air flow.
>
> DON'T transport your dog in a wire crate. In a car accident, a wire
> crate transforms into a doggie skewer. On days you plan to have a car
> accident, it's acceptable to use a plastic crate.
>
> DON'T let your dog drive. It's against the law in many states.
>
> DON'T enter your dog in conformation. It's b-o-r-i-n-g for the dog.
>
> DON'T enter your dog in obedience. It's B-o-r-i-n-g with a capital "B."
>
> DON'T enter your dog in agility. The jumps will injure his joints.
>
> DON'T send your dog out with a handler. Only a psychopath would send
> their beloved pet with a complete stranger.
>
> DON'T handle your dog yourself. You've got a great dog, and he deserves
> a much better handler than you will ever be.
>
> DON'T get a purebred dog. Too much inbreeding has produced dogs with
> temperament and health problems.
>
> DON'T get a mutt. You don't know anything about their pedigree. In fact,
if
> you're thinking about getting a dog, get a cat instead.
>
> DON'T don't. That's right, you heard me, just don't!
>
> DON'T leave your dog's dewclaws intact. He will rip one off jumping a
> log or something, which is quite painful.
>
> DON'T remove your dog's dewclaws. Dewclaws are acupuncture points that
> are needed for proper functioning of the kidneys.
>
> AND, the #1 DON'T ....
>
> DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their whiskers to determine the
> size of their head, which is important when they are out shopping for a
new
> hat.
>
>
>
> Tracy Bassett
> Canberra, Australia
> espinay@dynamite.com.au
> visit my webpage at http://members.dynamite.com.au/espinay/index.htm
>
>
>
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