[DL] [Tall Tale] Bill van Cleef I (long)

["V.A.G" <greimann@geocities.com>]

Howdy folks,
this here little story that i am about to unfold unto ya happened to me a 
liddle while ago. But let me start at the Beginning:

My name is Bill van Cleef (yeah i know, i´ts not a great name, but it´s 
better than the name of a guy i once knew, cause his name was Sue, but back 
to the story). Some may say that i am a gunslinger, but they´d better say 
it when i am gone, ´cause if not, they´ll prolly never say it again.

I was in some shithole down in Texas or Nevada or something, when this guy 
walked up to me. Never seen a man who was dressed like this. When he 
entered the bar everyone stopped talking, that´s how silly he looked. At 
least Sue didn´t choose to be called that way, and finally killed the man 
who did this to him, but this guy here, he wore this uniform with pride, 
that much was fer sure. Even tho´ he was ridin´ thru tha desert for a 
while, he din´ catch no dust or nothin´. Stayed licked clean, it seemed. 
Anyways, this there guy approaches me and says he´s lookin´ for a Bill van 
Cleef. Now that´s my name, and so i asked him what he wanted from him. He 
anserd that he needed me fer a mission, so i asks what kind of mission. By 
now he musta figgered me out so he told me that he was chasin´ some 
criminal who robbed some banks up in Cannader and something about always 
gettin´ their man or somethin´. He also had this strange accent which i 
couldn´t quite place, so i figgered he was from Cannader himself as well. 
Poor guys havin to wear such garbs instead of a star for a sherrif.

Normally I wouldn´t of cared, but this time, my money was runnin´ short, 
and so ah´d  to accept. With him was this texas ranger guy, whose services 
he had already "requesitioned" from our govrenment, and who worked for him 
for free (Never quite did figger out what drove him), so i asks what´s in 
it for me. To tell tha truth, i didn´t really care, as long as i was 
gettin´ paid and out of this shithole. So we hauled asses to California, or 
what remains of it. We rode to this here town called Edge City, somewhere 
north of the City of Lost Angels. Half the town had falled into some crack 
sometime before, so that´s where it got it´s name. It had a jail, a bank, a 
saloon, a general store and a coupla other houses, and i was already bored 
out of my noggin just ridin´ inter that shithole. This here place i 
wouldn´t even want to be buried dead in.

During the ride, the Mountie (that´s what the Ranger called him at least) 
told me what was cookin´. This french guy (at least his name sounded 
french) and his gang had stole´ a coupla guns and robbed a coupla banks up 
north so he was dispatched (that´s how he calt it) to bring him in. 
Frenchie was born in Edge, and his sister still lived here so he decided to 
look fer him here.

We rodes up to the sherriffs to inquire about this Jean, but he hadn´t been 
here. Turns out his sister lived and worked in the saloon, so we went there 
next. When i entered, i almost bumped into this redskin. Shoulda taken him 
out right then and there, but i didn´t. Anyways, he got out and we got in, 
only to find the sister in a very confused state. She tole us that her 
brother had been here, and had trieda get her outta this town, but she had 
refused. When asked why her brother wanted her outta here, she just said 
she didna know. Just that he must be plannin´ somethin´ big. She didna know 
where he was hidin´ and so we deecided to stick around and sit this one out.

We also met this preacher, who was staying in th´ churchhouse, but we 
didn´t talk at that time. Durin´ th´ night, I hears a ruckuss while i´s 
sleepin´ and gets up in a hurry. I grabs my irons, and hurry down tha 
stairs, onto the street to see what´s cookin´. Seems the flamery came from 
the church. In front of it, some folks were fightin´. From the shouts mosta 
them musta been pretty scared and later i found out why. The guys they were 
fightin´ weren´t alive anymore, but had risen outta their graves during tha 
nite. Inside, the Priest, gave his best against one of the critters. Never 
saw a churchman ´citin´ tha book so fiercely and slammin´ at them Corpses 
with tha holy cross. Me and tha ranger opened fire as well, and soon after, 
the show was over. Meanwhile we just fired at these creatures from hell 
till none of them moved anymore. The good folk thanked us, and after we had 
burned the corpses, just to be sure, we went back to sleep.

Next mornin´, after we had ourselves some beans and bacon, this injun comes 
back in and starts harassin´ tha lady. So we gets up to tell him to lay 
off´er her, and he pulls a gun, points it at her head, and tries to leave 
by the back entrance. Me and the Ranger, we follow him, and on the outside, 
i try to outflank him. When he points his gun at me and tries to shoot me, 
i pull out my iron faster´n he can see and shoot him first, rite past the 
lady and into his arm, which is jerked to the side, so that when he fires, 
he hits his own horse and kills it. Sad to see a proud animal go like this. 
In the confusin´ he lets the woman go, and when he sees 4 guns pointed at 
him, he yields.
Just at that moment we hear the hollerin of the sheriff, who had heard the 
shots and insists on taking the redskin with him. The girl tells us that 
the featherheader just wanted to get her out by force today and take her to 
her brother again. But as he didn´t say where he wuz goin, we were still 
without a good lead, ´cept fer the injun.

Later we decides to get some answers, but that dirdy injun basterd wouldn´t 
talk to us. Just sat there, bein´ all fierce and spittin´ in our faces. Now 
I wants to give him a coupla burns from my quirly or let him dangle a 
coupla minnits from that cliff, but mister Ranger musta had scruples and 
refused me tryin´ my luck. Instead, he said we should set the bugger free 
and follow him to where he would go. Nice idea, but useless with an innian. 
But we didn´t see that then, musta been swillbilly back there...

Anyways, the sherriff sets him free, and our ranger follows him, trying not 
to be seen.
I don´t know if he did succeed, but at some point, the featherheader leaves 
the path and goes to this there farmhouse. So what does our John Law do? 
You won´t believe me, but i tells ya, it´s true. He turns abound and rides 
back to town, tellin´ us that he found their hideout. So we hits the breeze 
and mosey on up to that ranch. We stops within view of the house, and 
slowly get closer, makin´ sure that we were not seen. I looks in a winder, 
but nothin´. A coupla horses in some stables, good ´uns too, but no folks. 
So I gets to the kitchen door, opens it and stands there scarin´ this poor 
woman and her chillun´! Turns out that the featherheader just stopped by to 
buy a horse from the McGuffins, which was their name. If our long-horned 
friend had waited just a coupla´ minnits, he woulda seen him ridin´ away. 
We apollergized to the McGuffins and left in a hurry, ridin´ back to town, 
without a single clue. But that would change durin´ tha nite, when the 
Livin´ Dead attacked again.

Now this here part of the story isn´t one of my personal favorites, but 
must be told, so here goes. I wakes up again from some flamery goin´ down 
in the streets. I´s a little late in gettin´ up, mostly due to the fact i 
wanted to get dressed before goin´ out into the open, so when i comes down 
into the saloon, the priest comes runnin´ at me like a mainac, his face a 
mask-a-fear, haulin´ his beehind up the stairs, and the last thing i hears 
is a door slammin´ shut. This shoulda set me thinkin´ but it didn´t and 
when i runs out, i runs rite into the arms of one of them Things.

Now i must tellya that those was the most horrible bein´s i´s ever laid 
eyeballs upon, and i gots me the shock of my life, shittin´ me pants right 
there. It lunges at me, but misses and so i does what i figgered was best 
for me and did the priest´s thing. I runs as fast as my legs would carry 
me, but there is no way to go but back into the saloon, and into me own 
room. When i´s in my room, it don´t take long before i hears steps in front 
of the door, movin´ slownly, and then forceful bangin´ on my door. 
Suddenly, the door gives way and them creatures on the other side come for 
me, so i leaves the only way that was still open: Out the window and onto 
the roof, where i stays put.

But i didn like what i seen there, no way:  Them things was everywhere, 
slaughterin´ civilians, animals, everything. Total chaos all over town! No 
organized defense, although sometimes on of them falls down, only to be 
replaced by two more. I sees the Texas Ranger makin´ fer the General Store, 
shoutin´ somethin´ about fire to fight them. Well he made fire all right, 
cause when the first of the Creatures breaks down the door, the whole 
shebang goes up in flames. Tough luck fer the owner and his family, who 
were shootin´ from the upper floor, and now couldn´t get out. Like i says, 
that here Ranger is a real genius. Those screams of pain and despair will 
always be with me, till the day i help makin´ the undertakers livin´. When 
i looked at the skies, i sees this strange red shinin´ from the other side 
of the cliff, maybe 10 miles away. Never seen anything like it before, and 
prolly never will again.

Somehow, the Ranger musta gotten out by then, and gotten together with the 
Preacherman, the Sheriff and some other folks, and together they start 
sweepin´ the streets, nailin´ everything that came before their guns. Me, i 
figgered it mite be safe to come down again, but those two hulks were here 
waitin´ fer me in my room, so when i swings back in i lands right 
underneath them. I nearly freezes with fear, but I´s cut a rusty and pulls 
my handguns, shootin´ with both hands at point blank range, blowin´ them´s 
heads clean off, before they could react. That gives me back some of my 
usual confide, but even today i still gets the shakes heavily when faced 
with them rotten things. Prolly be wih me from then on till i catch my bullet.

When i came down, things had almost been decided, the last few beasts were 
just bein´ blown to bits by the posse, and the moppin´ up began. One in 
three of the good folk lay dead, includin´ the owner of the saloon and the 
frenchmans sister. Shoulda listened to her brothers advice, tha poor 
wretch. And the general store was gone too, but no one figgered out how 
that coulda happened, and me, bein´ no flannel mouth, i keeps my mouth 
shut, so the Ranger wouldn catch hemp fever on the sudden. When i inquires 
about th´ light, it startes fadin´ as the sun starts risin´ but some Miners 
tells us, that this is where the old mine of the frenchmans old man was at. 
Now someone shoulda told us about this, but by then i was in no mood to 
start a fight.

When we wants to saddle up and see fer ourself, we see that our horses have 
been half-eaten durin´ th´ nite. So we have no choice but to walk up to the 
place we think of still havin´ some horses. Yep, yer rite, the good ole 
McGuffin Ranch. The ranch did escape unharmed, so when we gets there and 
explain what happened, old McGuffin sells us his four best horses, which 
the Mountie pays fer with a large chunk of the reward money. MY reward 
money! But i didn´t care anymore, i just wanted to kill that basterd that 
did this to us.

All the way ridin´towards the mine, we saw smaller and bigger groups of 
dead walkin´ about, but mounted, we outflank them easily, tryin´ to stay 
outta harms way. Finally, we happened upon the mine, which was located in a 
small valley. We rode inside, only to be fired upon by a sentrie, which the 
Ranger took out with a single shot. But seemingly, we hadn´t been heard by 
anyone else, so we got near the wooden door, end got offa our horses. When 
the priest opens the door, we sees a featherhead, almost nude, with strange 
colors all over his body and face, sittin´ in th´ middle of some white 
circle, not moving. To his right, there´s a thrown-over table, behind which 
three longriders was hidin´ and openin´ fire at us. Ranger-boy was hit in 
the guts and thrown back about 6 feet, outside the mine. I opened up on the 
injun, but as soon as my bullets passed over the white line, they slowed 
down, and the injun just moved aside, startin´ to chant somethin´. The 
priest charged him and stepped inside the circle as well, while i started 
openin´ up on the other hoodlums. The first one to stick up his head 
beehind that table got bucked out in a smoke faster´n he could say "Howdy", 
and my second shot went rite thru th´ table and tore through another guys 
gizzards. The third, sees what i did, and throws up his arms just before i 
blow his light out as well.

Meanwhile, the Priecherman isn´t doin´ to well against the injun, who´s 
startin´ to glow from the inside or somethin´, while our Ranger-friend just 
comes back in, holdin´ his hand to his wound and his other holdin´ his gun. 
I tells the Mountie to strap the last survivor and enters the ring. Even 
from within the ring, firearms seem to be slowed enough to allow for 
evasion, as the priest found out while i was takin´ out them other guys, 
but good old fists always seem to hit their mark, so I threw a punch at the 
redskin, hittin´ him rite where the gizzards are, and knockin´ him rite 
out, with one punch. While we tend to our wounds, and try to ask the 
survivor, what all of this was about, we didn notice the glowing got 
stronger, until the injun basterd got up again.

When we turn around, his skin just bursts open, and another creature from 
hell frees itself from inside. It was huge, with enormous claws and horns 
and it stank of gunpowder, or somethin´. Before i could react, it lunged at 
me, hitin´ me rite in the gizzards and cuttin´ me belly. I think that if 
Lady Luck hadn´t been with me that nite and Fate wouldn´t have graced me 
like it did at that moment, i surely would have been dead at once. Now, it 
only caused a heavy wound and threw me against the wall, almost knocking me 
out. My pardners open up with everything they have, but only make it 
stagger back to attack again with renewed fury. After about 20 direct hits 
still had no visible effect, i finally manage to get my guns out again, and 
with my final strenght, I fire the last two shots in the cylinders, hittin´ 
it rite between the eyes, and finally throwing it to the floor. Just to be 
sure, the others empty their artillery into it as well, but i does not move 
again. Victory, it seemed, was finally ours.

Well to cut a long story short, the mountie paid us out in full, and took 
the survivor with him, no doubt to have him face justice up north. Turns 
out, that the first guy i took out in the mine was Frenchie, whose plan it 
was to get his revenge for something he didn´t even tell his friends about. 
The shaman was tryin´ to call a demon or somethin´ to help with that, but 
failed when we interrupted his ass.

The ranger and me stuck around for a while longer to wait till our wounds 
were cured, while the priest moved onwards, somewhere east. Rite now, the 
ranger and me are movin´ east again, towards a little place called silver 
springs or something, so he can do another mission of his. I just came 
along to get out of Edge, and see, if maybe there be some money it this one 
fer me as well. But that´s another story, to be unfold at a later time. For 
now, I saw so long, and remember: My name is Bill van Cleef and when i gets 
out me equalizers, y´all better watch what y´all say.....



(This was a short briefing of the last DEADLANDS game i was in and that i 
wanted to share. If you liked it, write me, if you didn´t tell me why. 
Maybe I´ll post another adventure of Bill van Cleef´s at a later time)




---
Volker A. Greimann
greimann@geocities.com