[DL] Now this is Humor and not Trolling For Flames

[deadlandscool@hushmail.com]

	Thanks to the guy on the OT-List that sent me over to the RPGNet, this 
Brand is so funny and so right.  It is so amusing to see the fuss made on 
the OT-List about this.  Like you people are looking for a fight even when 
someone does not offer one.  I have yet to see the perfect game system, 
my name tells what I believe about Deadlands, but I am not a follower of 
any system to the exclusion of others.  I play for fun and when a game system 
gets to be not fun then I will go own to other games.  

	I do not like the HOE or BNW systems, I much prefer something called Morrow 
Project or Twilight2k for post apocalyptic, BNW is unable to compete against 
Champions or Fuzion based superhero games, and most use of time travel in 
systems is rather lame.  But these are opinions and they are just mine. 
;)  Make up your own mind and try to give other peoples opinions a fair 
shake, you might learn something.

Deadlandscool

> Author: Brand Robins (---.speakeasy.net)
> Date:   06-15-2001 16:16
>
> Okay, having read all the D20 threads on the forum I have synthesized 
the following projection of the future, 
> based on the combined commentary of all those involved. Let me know if 
it sounds right to all yall. 
> 
> D20 is the new way. In the future the timeline will be renamed in years 
AD20. Such is the future, bow down
> before it. 
>
> Of course, there will be the inevitable backlashes. The Australians, who 
now fight so vocally against D20,
> will be brought low – but their sneaky kangaroo trained brains will infest 
the RPG youth with a phage that
> will bear bitter, pouch-bearing-young fruit! In the year 35 AD20, Australian 
RPG separatists, lead by Steve
> (Um – whichever Steve is Australian, I can’t keep them separate. Not that 
it really matters, I mean hell –
> they’re Australian) will attack Seattle with a horde of ninja-trained 
attack kangaroos! 
> 
> Screaming gibberish like “Basic Roleplaying!” and “GURPS FOREVER!” they 
will smash like a great purple,
> hopping wave against the mighty D20 fortress. For a time all will look 
bleak as the marsupial hordes win
> victory after victory, rolling their Tactics skill in an unnatural roll-
under percentile system! D20 strategists will
> be at a loss of how to deal with such an antiquated concept tied with 
modern ninja-kangaroos (did I
> mention that the ninja-kangaroos are vermilion colored? I really like 
vermilion, it’s a pretty color, but it’s just
> –wrong- when painted onto a Kangaroo with liquid latex).
> 
> Just as the day is about to be lost, when all hope is gone and everyone 
is rolling 1s on their moral check,
> the mighty game designers of the past will arrive to save the day! GMS 
will come in on a pulp-jet pack,
> backed by giant attack trained gorillas with giant stone ping-pong paddles. 
S. John Ross will swoop in from
> space with an entire cargo of paper-minature-fonts and a butt-load of 
marines with the Kangaroo Ass
> Kicking cliché at 6 dice! (A butt-load in this case being 5. I mean I 
know 5 doesn’t sound impressive in
> military terms – but I challenge you to fit more than 5 marines in your 
butt. Go ahead, try!) The Kangaroos,
> confused by ping-pong gorillas and with a Sparks miniature stuck in their 
wind-pipe (those things should
> come with a warning label, I swear. You yawn to hard near a pile of them 
and down they go!), will be forced
> to fall back to Australia. There they will turn on their handlers and 
raze Sydney to the ground in a 4d6 day
> orgy of blood. 
>
> Just then, bitter Quebecois terrorists will storm down from Canada, waving 
banners, drinking cheap wine,
> and screaming “Cosse rêveuse longtemps de phase neuf!” They will strike 
like lightning across the great
> lakes and will seize Maine. Only then, when it is to late, will they realize 
that we don’t give a crap about
> Maine. I mean really, what the hell comes from Maine? Lobster? That’s 
wonderful guys, you have a whole
> freaking state that lives by foisting aquatic cockroaches off on the rest 
of the world and claming that they are
> food. 
>
> I say let the Quebecois have Maine! But my cries will go as unheeded as 
they were when my mother
> stabbed me with a coat-hanger while I was still in the womb. The mighty 
D20 military will storm into Maine,
> using their 3d6 anti-Kangaroo assault rifles (because they have a focus 
in it, so the fact that there are no
> kangaroos present won’t matter to them – except that by that point they 
will have developed a taste for
> Kangaroo blood, and so will be depressed when all they get to kill are 
second-rate Frenchmen. Remember
> children, a French Canadian is nearly as bad as the real thing!). 
>
> The battle will end quickly, because with all the French blood in the 
Quebecois they will fight by throwing
> their hands in the air and screaming “We surrender! We surrender!” It 
really isn’t a terribly effective way to
> fight. The anti-Kangaroo guns will rain hot lead death down upon them,
 and then the D20 military will
> decide that the bodies of Canadians taste better than lobster. From that 
point on Maine will have a new
> export. 
>
> With the opposition thus crushed the D20 industry will settle down to 
codify it’s dogma. They will write “Ryan
> Dancy so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten game.” D20mass 
(or just Dmass, as D will come
> to stand for D20, due to the universal and unequivocal connection of all 
dice – and thus all games – with
> D20) will be held on July 6, to better pacify the former worshipers of 
other games who did not want to give
> up their sacred day. A time of unification in gaming will come upon the 
world, and the D-Man (as the current
> president of the D will be known) will use his power to bring peace to 
the warring TV network factions who
> are locked in a bitter feud over Los Angeles. (No, not for Los Angeles 
– over who gets to leave it first.) 
>
> However the old Australian thought will creep back up from time to time,
 resulting in the Ecru Canine
> Heresies. This spiritualist movement will hold that the “Ryan Dancy” spoken 
of in the Players Handbook
> was not really the creator – but was a demi-urge who imposed the D20 upon 
the free soul of expression.
> They will also hold that all RPing around a table is corrupt, and that 
the only pure RP is in the mind. This will
> lead them to abstaining from all TTing in pursuit of the higher contemplation 
of the secret God-from they call
> LARP. Only by turning the mind singularly to the LARP, they claim, can 
one transcend the illusion of the
> “Ryan Creator” and find the true name of RolePlaying. (Some will claim 
that it is Gary, others that it is Mark.
> Most, however, will agree that it is Tweet.) 
>
> While the D20 is trying to deal with this ludicrous but oh so tempting 
train of thought, another heresy will
> spring up in their own ranks. The debate over the 1D20 vs the 3D20 will 
rock the ranks of the RolePlaying
> world. Finally, after years of brutal debate, the issue will be solved 
at the Council of GenCon. There the wise
> ones will say that though there are 3d20, in the end they are just 1D20,
 because D20 is One and One is
> D20, but One is All, and All includes 3, and so you can roll as many dice 
as you like – but you can only keep
> the highest. 
>
> (All through this time, deep in secret layers hidden under the ground,
 groups of sub-human reprobates will
> gather and chant together in the lost tongue of Chaosium, trying to rise 
Percentile from its grave under the
> waters. The only thing known of this by general society is the strange 
and horrible rhyme: “There once was
> a game from Nantucket...”) 
>
> Thus the world will settle into a regular pattern, interrupted only occasionally 
by raving cultists erupting from
> the sewers screaming “&#$@ it! Nantucket!” It will be a time of great 
lateral development, in which the
> possibilities of the accepted D20 paradigm will be widely explored. Deep 
within a living room, however, a
> group of gamers will gather and start to discuss the ideals of free-form 
gaming, of alternate rules sets, and
> from this will build the Thesis of the 86 sided dice and the idea that 
Dice without Pizza are dead. 
>
> But then everyone will be eaten when the Vermilion bondage-kangaroo marines 
return unexpectedly from
> Australia. 
>
> What a crappy way to go. 
>
> Hrm... you know, on a second look over, this all seems like silly speculation. 
Maybe we should stop trying to
> predict the future and should just, you know, play games that are fun 
and stuff.
> 
> Naw, that'd never work.  
>

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