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[PyrNet-L] FW: Dogs & Humans
---------------------- Forwarded by Susan Dobscha/Faculty/Bentley on 03/01/99
02:00 PM ---------------------------
"Ellen R. Foxman" <efoxman@bentley.edu> on 03/01/99 01:42:48 PM
To: "Susan Dobscha (E-mail)" <sdobscha@bentley.edu>, "Andy Aylesworth
(E-mail)" <aaylesworth@bentley.edu>, "'deasterling@bentley.edu'"
<deasterling@bentley.edu>
cc:
Subject: FW: Dogs & Humans
(from Aaron via me)
Ellen
-------------------------------------
Ellen R. Foxman, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Department of Marketing,
Bentley College, Waltham, MA 02452-4705, 781-891-2796
efoxman@bentley.edu
-----Original Message-----
From: ANURICK@lnmta.bentley.edu [SMTP:ANURICK@lnmta.bentley.edu]
Sent: Monday, March 01, 1999 11:43 AM
To: JKAMM@lnmta.bentley.edu; efoxman@lnmta.bentley.edu
Subject: FW: Dogs & Humans
To my dog loving friends....
---------------------- Forwarded by Aaron Nurick/Faculty/Bentley on 03/01/99
11:45 AM ---------------------------
"Austin, Diane" <DAustin@Lasell.edu> on 03/01/99 11:27:22 AM
To: 'aaron' <anurick@bentley.edu>, 'Bardy' <bstevens@bentley.edu>, 'Ben'
<BSaraydarian@bentley.edu>, "'Cari_Sheets@ccmail.wiu.edu'"
<Cari_Sheets@ccmail.wiu.edu>, 'David' <DHennessey@bentley.edu>, 'Debby'
<dschriver@utk.edu>, 'greg' <ghall@bentley.edu>, 'Jim' <Zakel01@aol.com>,
'Kelly' <kcronin@bu.edu>, 'Kerry' <kparking@lynx.dac.neu.edu>, 'Mark'
<mwarter@frontiersearch.com>, 'Matt' <MTremble@advocatesinc.org>, 'Pam'
<pneth@postoffice.worldnet.att.net>, Patrice
Misiano/Staff/Bentley@Bentley, 'Tony' <abuono@bentley.edu>,
"'vhodge@po-box.esu.edu'" <vhodge@po-box.esu.edu>
cc:
Subject: FW: Dogs & Humans
This is cute ... the dog-lovers among you will especially giggle. D.
-----Original Message-----
From: rdanchise@lnmta.bentley.edu <mailto:rdanchise@lnmta.bentley.edu>
[SMTP:rdanchise@lnmta.bentley.edu]
<mailto:[SMTP:rdanchise@lnmta.bentley.edu]>
Sent: Friday, February 26, 1999 4:25 PM
To: daustin@lasell.edu <mailto:daustin@lasell.edu>
Subject: Dogs & Humans
DOG PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically
becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.
HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how
you throw).
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the really
worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and
you can kill the one that gives it to you).
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:
10. A dog's parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
1. A dog does not shop.
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG: (esp. #6)
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on
their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is
effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're
dragged out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll
do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can
I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate
was a light bulb?
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