[PyrNet-L] Lexi's puppies & me.

[judith diamond <pyrenees@gwi.net>]

Dearest pyr friends,
    Please her my tears, and anguished apology up front for having
gotton myself where I am in regards to being so very ill- prepared with
my darling preganant Lexi. These day's, I live in freqent impending doom
and belly
terror and sleepless nights, having to cancel huge commitments due to my
manic deppressive illness & Lexi coming into heat a month earlier.  This
illness has phases; hyper-
mania, deep, dark deppression and normal phases to it.
     My worst fears have come true. Until now I have been very worried
about
becoming  the breed & show person that I have always long to be because
I knew that I could'nt trust my mental illness. The
how's and why's, even with my medication diligence still makes it
impossible to predict when I and for how long I will be the happy,
compentent, reliable and type of human being that I really am.
    I have a virtually and sometimes uncontrollable major
mental/physical illness, or
disapility, that some call bypolar illness. I as one of them call myself

a Manic Deppressive because it does not sugar coat the truth. It has had

me on and off by the throat for months, I am in it now and is devasating

me and my ability to be the very best breeder and pyr parent for my
beloved pregnant  Lexi and care for her and her upcoming little ones
that I know I am when I am not in the yuky cycles of it.
     I have been paralized with my ability & desire to use of this
priceless to help walk me through questions and such.
    Help me please? Lexi is only near a month away from
whelping.
    Please, at this point malredy my phone bills are high and at
this point my  telephone pyr friends/breeders is not enough because I
need all of you wise and experienced loving pyr people.
They, really were never going to be all I used. I had so hoped and
planned to be in regular commuication here at least 2 months ago. For I
consider Pyr-net to have invaluable resources.
I think that most of us are extrodinary people for loving our pyrenees
who are an  extraordinary,amazing and very, very pyrperfect.
I do not know how hard it will be for me to cope and how much I can cope
with from day to day. Sometimes I can feel imobilized. I must be willing
to go to any lenth to be helped for my
illness. There is a *slim* chance I will have to go to a private mental
hospital for a few days. I am working very hard to insure that if that
happens, it will be this week, long before the pups are born. And
fighting with this
Manic monster so that will not have to happen.
    I adore Nicloe Sharp & Janet Jo Roberts Weymouth. They have been
like family and have offered, if neccessary one or the other will be
here for me and or the precious puppies, if neccessary. Thank God!
     I should add here; that for 10 days I have been well enough to
fight
my way back to health more and more. I  am using my internist
until I go back into full therapy, or just medication visit's. The
pyschitrist I am in communication will be setting me up with an
evaluation, hopefully he'l'l accept me as his patient. The evaluation
may not be for 2 weeks, At his office.
     The final and  apology is about my not responding a
month ago to my urgent post for help. I think I may have posted here,
maybe not. I had gotton my answer that Friday
or Saturday away from the list and fled to See Carol Baxter in Canada
Monday. Even tough everything went topsy turvy in my
life also due to Lexington going into heat when she did, by then I was
computer paralized and couldn't respond. I'll tell you why so maybe some

of you would't mind giving me a solution.
    I am the kind of person through upbringing, kindness, politeness or
being a general sucker, that I feel selfish posting help just for me &
an occassional post only, to help other's. I get wrapped up in feeling
that it is the only fair & right thing to do to answer everyone's
posting on their dead pyr, sick pyr, brags about thier show pyr, and
other times I know I might help & do. I end up spending enormous time &
energy on pyr online newsletters sacrificing other thing's in my
life.Then I get addicted
to writing Jonah & Lexi stories and of course, *they* have to be spelled

and written almost perfectly. Then I have to go offline for days, weeks
or months and then I  feel estraged from my wonderful friends so get
paralized &
don't stay in touch at all. It seems perhaps silly to some of you
perhaps. I can understand why. There apparenty many people that get like

this online though.
    To capsilize my breeding homework has fallen way behing and I hope
that I may call upon you for help.
            I thank you for being who and what you are.
    My very best to you in pyr-spirit and in all the good spirits.
    Judith-Lexi & Jonah