Re: [PyrNet-L] It's Me Wouldbe Author

[Phil & Chris Speakman <speakpc@interlynx.net>]

judith diamond wrote:

> <<   My question's were ones of curiosity. Promise! The way in which
> various author's write, the how's and why's of their resources and
> research, I simply find fascinating. As I do with what you are doing
> now.  BTW, I do not believe I implied that you should pack up and go.
> That is not who I am. I would not ever, ever ask any one to leave. Not
> even in my wildest Pyrenean dreaming!!>>
>

Hi everyone, especially Judith and Pyr Gang:

I've gone and put me foot in my mouth, I never thought Judith implied
anything but honest interest and support.  It was me just being the silly
fool that I can be and have been most of my life.  You see, well, I'm
absolutly terrified of people not liking me, getting mad at me, of
misunderstanding myself and the more I try to apologize for myself the more
I dig myself in.  Just like I'm probably doing now [VVBG ;-)  ].  I just
started thinking that well maybe someone (anyone out there in computer land
- no one individual)  might think I was using or misusing people on this
list and in my,  how did the therapist put it, all-or-nothing,
overgeneralization, mental filter, disqualifying the positive, jumping to
conclusions etc...way of thinking didn't/couldn''t/wouldn't see the EXTREME
POSITIVE support ALL OF YOU and JUDITH were sending my way.

That's one reason I'm trying to full fill my dream of writing.  In 1994 I
had an emotional/nervous breakdown and finally found out that for all of  my
life I had been battling something they call Social Phobia.  It is the
extreme end of stage fright, the normal nervousness people feel in new
situations.  I know we've all been there but my fear would actually
parallize me and make me sick enough that I couldn't go to school/work.  And
we (myself and family) has always thought I just had a weak stomach :-)
Well, therapy, family, doctors, anti-depressent (I'm off it now), whatever
you believe is spirit and my cat, I'm very much stronger now and due to not
putting up with certain attitudes and things at work actually stood up for
myself (probably one of the first or few times I ever did) and we came to a
mutual split and decided to follow my heart (with 110% and more support from
hubby and family).

And that (and trying to find what breed of dog hubby and I could be the best
people for) lead me to here.  A very big part of me thinks, sure I could
have a Pyr in this townhouse, sure...but no, really not enough room.  So the
Shiba Inu won first placement...BUT one day, a Pyr!!!!!

So that's why I still put my foot in mouth, the old fear demon pokes up, but
you can be sure I'm always thinking it's me who's offended someone.

And that's part of how I came to the enormous task of the truthful and
honest depiction of the Pyr.  A job that if is worth doing had dang well be
done right, otherwise ya'll will boot my butt [VVBG ;-)  ].

So, hopefully I've straighten my very confused imaginative mind to you (I
realize it is a very scary and weird place to travel to) <g>.  And I would
like to give Judith a hug for her support, trust me my fiction writing is
much clearer  than me trying to explain me.  Thanks Judith, and of course
Jonah and Lexi.  BTW, anywhere I can see their pics?

Thank you all

Chris (the neurotic, dream-following, I WANT A PYR, stronger, will I ever
get this writing done, lurking silly grinning woman) Speakman

Psycho (dangit mommy-person when will ya listen to me) cat
Hubby (smiling, nodding and just plain ole hugger)

speakpc@interlynx.net