Re: [PyrNet-L] Sabastien

[MagEBroD@aol.com]

Adrienne,
   I know many others here on the list will echo my feelings when I say that
when you shared with us your heartbreak and tears over having to say goodbye
to Sebastion today our hearts went out to you and our hearts were broken too.
There are times when no matter how much logically we know we must do the right
thing - it definitely does not make it an easy thing at all. It is a gut-
wrenching tearing-your-heart-out- wailing-in-grief thing instead for you. Yet
for Sabastien I could feel a totally free kind of feeling.....like all his
tension and pain and distrust of everyone was disappearing ........ Like he'd
been held down, bound up by his fears and hate and past pains suffered.....
and suddenly each chain binding him tightly & against which he'd fought his
entire life, and for some reason, no matter how much love was shown him.....
he'd never been able to break free of those chains.....chains that bound him
up so tightly that it was a form of inner torture for him; but that now
...finally... they were released ...one... by... one... and ...slowly his
inner spirit was released ...and set free.... floating freely.... like a
balloon ....floating up.... to a better place where he need not fear.... and
where the past hatreds and pains and distrust are things of the past, never to
torture his soul again. Instead he'll be free to feel all that love that had
gone out to him from you and others, but which he could not fully open himself
up to accept and truly trust. 
   What you did today was a very brave thing, although I know you don't feel
very brave after having him die in your arms today. Know matter how much we
know it's the right thing and that we're ending some suffering whether
physical or emotional or psychological, it's never easy and we don't feel
brave. We hurt so very badly and feel drained and weary and very very teary.
We know you are suffering greatly and our hearts go out to you in your grief.
Yet Sabastien no longer needs our tears. He's no longer a tormented soul, but
finally free and I feel he's in a better place and thankful to be free of
those chains that once bound him. 
   We're here for you and want you to know how very much we care & how we
understand how hard a time this is for you. Adrienne, no matter how hard we
try, we can't always reach and help everyone. You tried very hard to help
Sabastien, but some are so turned inside themselves that they won't let their
souls and inner wounds be healed, no matter how hard someone tries. 
   Please take care of yourself! Allow yourself time to heal, cry and grieve
and be very forgiving of yourself. It's OK, don't be so hard on yourself. You
tried so hard, but you can't save everyone. None of us can. You are a very
loving , giving human being and very very far from a failure!! Don't ever
think that you failed with him! He just couldn't accept all you tried to do
for him and wasn't open to having a total change of heart.  How we all wish he
was, especially you, but he wasn't....he was too closed off. I'm sure you knew
him better than anyone and loved him more than we'll ever know and you knew in
your heart that he was a time bomb ticking, no matter how hard you tried to
change his heart. It was one of the hardest things to do...but also the right
thing & no one can be a better judge of that than you. We're thankful for your
posts and know this one was an especially hard one to write. We are glad to
count you as a friend. So please take care ....all those who are in your
circle of friends need you to... whether they be human, furred or feathered!! 

Janice Vocke
MagEBroD@aol.com
Shelton, WA.