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[PyrNet-L] CHAT: Humour

You've seen those ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of
contraptions.  Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment.  If you
have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to get in shape
now!!!  The following exercises can (and will) be done anywhere, anytime.

Inner Thighs:
Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs.  Press tighter than the dog can
pull.  Do not attempt barelegged - dogs who favor shortcuts to success will
just dig the toy out.  You could be damaged.

Upper Body Strength:
Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out of the flower bed.  Repeat,
repeat, repeat.  As the dog ages, this exercise is reversed - onto the
onto the bed, into the car and so on.

Balance and Coordination:
Exercise 1:  Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places.  If they're too
small for him, they're certainly too small for you.  Do it anyway!

Exercise 2:  Practice not falling when your dog bounds across the full
of the room, sails through the air, and slams both front paws into the back
of your knees.

Exercise 3:  (for use with multiple dogs) Remove all dogs from lap and
the phone before it stops ringing.

Exercise 4:  (alternate) For older dogs, attempt to cross a room without
tripping over the dog.  Get off your couch without crushing any part of a
sleeping elderly dog.

Upper Arms:
Throw the ball.  Throw the squeaky toy.  Throw the frisbee.  Repeat until

Upper Arms: (alternate)
Tug the rope.  Tug the pull toy.  Tug the sock.  Repeat until your shoulder
is dislocated or the dog gives up (we all know which comes first).

Hand Coordination:
Remove foreign object from locked jaw.  This exercise is especially popular
with puppy owners.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Remember, this is a timed
exercise.  Movements must be quick and precise (think concert pianist) to
prevent trips to the vet, which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of
jaw firming clenches.

After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hand a circular toy on
ankle and let the dog tug while you tug back.  WARNING:  This is feasible
only for those with strong bones and small dogs.  Have you taken your
supplement today?

Calves: (alternate)
Run after dog - pick any reason, there are plenty.  Dogs of any size can be
used for this exercise.  Greyhounds are inadvisable.

Neck Muscles:
Attempt to outmaneuver the canine tongue headed for your ear, mouth, or
eyeball. This is a lifelong fitness program.  A dog is never too old or too
feeble to "French Kiss" you when you least expect it.

- From IPG Newsletter (International Professional Groomers)
via my Scent Hound list

Sharon J. Armstrong