[PyrNet-L] CHAT: Humour

["Sharon J Armstrong" <sharonja@direct.ca>]

You've seen those ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of
contraptions.  Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment.  If you
have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to get in shape
now!!!  The following exercises can (and will) be done anywhere, anytime.

Inner Thighs:
Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs.  Press tighter than the dog can
pull.  Do not attempt barelegged - dogs who favor shortcuts to success will
just dig the toy out.  You could be damaged.

Upper Body Strength:
Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out of the flower bed.  Repeat,
repeat, repeat.  As the dog ages, this exercise is reversed - onto the
couch,
onto the bed, into the car and so on.

Balance and Coordination:
Exercise 1:  Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places.  If they're too
small for him, they're certainly too small for you.  Do it anyway!

Exercise 2:  Practice not falling when your dog bounds across the full
length
of the room, sails through the air, and slams both front paws into the back
of your knees.

Exercise 3:  (for use with multiple dogs) Remove all dogs from lap and
answer
the phone before it stops ringing.

Exercise 4:  (alternate) For older dogs, attempt to cross a room without
tripping over the dog.  Get off your couch without crushing any part of a
sleeping elderly dog.

Upper Arms:
Throw the ball.  Throw the squeaky toy.  Throw the frisbee.  Repeat until
nauseous.

Upper Arms: (alternate)
Tug the rope.  Tug the pull toy.  Tug the sock.  Repeat until your shoulder
is dislocated or the dog gives up (we all know which comes first).

Hand Coordination:
Remove foreign object from locked jaw.  This exercise is especially popular
with puppy owners.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Remember, this is a timed
exercise.  Movements must be quick and precise (think concert pianist) to
prevent trips to the vet, which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of
jaw firming clenches.

Calves:
After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hand a circular toy on
your
ankle and let the dog tug while you tug back.  WARNING:  This is feasible
only for those with strong bones and small dogs.  Have you taken your
calcium
supplement today?

Calves: (alternate)
Run after dog - pick any reason, there are plenty.  Dogs of any size can be
used for this exercise.  Greyhounds are inadvisable.

Neck Muscles:
Attempt to outmaneuver the canine tongue headed for your ear, mouth, or
eyeball. This is a lifelong fitness program.  A dog is never too old or too
feeble to "French Kiss" you when you least expect it.

- From IPG Newsletter (International Professional Groomers)
via my Scent Hound list

Sharon J. Armstrong
WESKYUWIN Pyrs & PBGVs
asitapyrs@idmail.com