Yet Another Glorious Defeat of the Fascists!
Stalingrad.
(Picture of the kommisar looking grizzled, pointing off
towards Stalingrad with his hand on the shoulder of a
young private.)
Comrade Stalin awarded the Soviet Union's highest
medal today, the Gold Star, to Kommisar Ilya
Vasilovich, designating him a Hero of the Soviet
Union. Kommisar Vasilovich gave his life in order to
save the lives of the men under his care, throwing
himself on a fascist grenade. In his honor, a new unit
is being formed which will be called Vasilovich's
Medveditsa, which will be tasked with especially
difficult missions in the Great Patriotic War.
Ilya was an exemplar of the Kommisars, as evidenced
by his most recent mission: he rooted out a fascist
traitor from the unit he was tasked with supporting.
The villianous Sergei Nikolayivich threw a grenade at
the kommisar's feet knowing that it was his unit's
weakest time and the kommisar was its strongest
link. However, according to witnesses, the grenade
did not even explode! (No small surprise that
equipment manufactured by Strong Russian Workers
will work only for Strong Russian Fighters. Obviously
the traitor failed to maintain his equipment in the
proper fashion!) Our Kommisar immediately grabbed
the traitor in one of his patented bear hugs, and
squeezed the life out of the weak fascist collaborator,
cheered on by the loyal troops of his unit.
Remember, troops, the Kommisars are there for your
help! Trust and follow their example!
Later in that mission, Ilya's unit was responsible for
destroying multiple Fascist vehicles and tanks, as well
as hundreds of fascists and fascist officers. Ilya's
concern for the welfare of his troops, like that of all
Kommisars, was evidenced by his selfless act where
he threw himself on a fascist grenade when he and
his handpicked team stormed the headquarters of a
particularly evil Fascist commander who was
responsible for performing horrible experiments upon
good Russian civilians.
Long live Ilya Vasilovich's example to all Russian
troops!
The first troops honored with promotion to
Vasilovich's Medveditsas are the following:
Leytenant Pesklovar, the able commander who had
such a good working relationship with the Kommisar.
"I love killing fascist invaders, and I love drinking
Russian Vodka!"
Mladshiy Leytenant Dmitri Popovich. Popovich was
recently promoted to the officer corps due to his
uncanny knowledge of the fascist invader, often
knowing what the Nazi officers are thinking even
before they know themselves. "Look into my eye,
and you will see the indomitable Russian Fighting
Spirit."
Mladshiy Serzhant Ivan Feydorivich, the famous
farmboy from North Russia. Feydorivich was
responsible for destroying several Nazi vehicles, and
fascists too numerous to count in their last mission.
"The fascist dogs are inferior in every way to
Russians. I just wish they were more of a challenge."
Medic Sasha Sikorsky. Not only is she handy with
medical equipment, she's pretty good with pistols,
rifles, and bayonets, too. "My men don't need my
help very much, so I join in on the fight. It's such a
rush when the Fascist rapists run from a strong
Russian Woman."
Private Gregor Zuikov. He's the strong, silent type,
preferring to let his actions speak instead of words.
And, his actions speak loudly indeed - his
squadmates say that he often forgoes his rifle in favor
of a few anti-tank grenades, loving the chaos created
when he single-handedly charges fascist vehicles. He
didn't have a quote for us, but we could tell by the look
in his eyes that he lives for the fight with fascists!
Private Akhmend Ahriman. He's the wise-cracking,
hard-charging infantryman who's as handy with the
one-liner as the Nagant. "I lighten the men's spirits
while lighting up the Fascist Pig-dogs. Killing Nazis is
good, clean fun!"
Congratulations to these handpicked troops! You're
fortunate to be allowed to earn the glory due Russian
Heroes. May you live up to Ilya Vasilovich's example!
- To: PEGBansen@aol.com, PEGHopler@aol.com, PEGShane@aol.com, Zeke@EclipseArt.com, IamDaveW@Hotmail.com, BTipton@SpectrumsEdge.com, CHopler@vt.edu, C_Libey@Yahoo.com
- Subject: Yet Another Glorious Defeat of the Fascists!
- From: Jason Nichols <JasonN@roanoke.com>
- Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 17:01:24 -0400
Yet Another Glorious Defeat of the Fascists! Stalingrad. (Picture of the kommisar looking grizzled, pointing off towards Stalingrad with his hand on the shoulder of a young private.) Comrade Stalin awarded the Soviet Union's highest medal today, the Gold Star, to Kommisar Ilya Vasilovich, designating him a Hero of the Soviet Union. Kommisar Vasilovich gave his life in order to save the lives of the men under his care, throwing himself on a fascist grenade. In his honor, a new unit is being formed which will be called Vasilovich's Medveditsa, which will be tasked with especially difficult missions in the Great Patriotic War. Ilya was an exemplar of the Kommisars, as evidenced by his most recent mission: he rooted out a fascist traitor from the unit he was tasked with supporting. The villianous Sergei Nikolayivich threw a grenade at the kommisar's feet knowing that it was his unit's weakest time and the kommisar was its strongest link. However, according to witnesses, the grenade did not even explode! (No small surprise that equipment manufactured by Strong Russian Workers will work only for Strong Russian Fighters. Obviously the traitor failed to maintain his equipment in the proper fashion!) Our Kommisar immediately grabbed the traitor in one of his patented bear hugs, and squeezed the life out of the weak fascist collaborator, cheered on by the loyal troops of his unit. Remember, troops, the Kommisars are there for your help! Trust and follow their example! Later in that mission, Ilya's unit was responsible for destroying multiple Fascist vehicles and tanks, as well as hundreds of fascists and fascist officers. Ilya's concern for the welfare of his troops, like that of all Kommisars, was evidenced by his selfless act where he threw himself on a fascist grenade when he and his handpicked team stormed the headquarters of a particularly evil Fascist commander who was responsible for performing horrible experiments upon good Russian civilians. Long live Ilya Vasilovich's example to all Russian troops! The first troops honored with promotion to Vasilovich's Medveditsas are the following: Leytenant Pesklovar, the able commander who had such a good working relationship with the Kommisar. "I love killing fascist invaders, and I love drinking Russian Vodka!" Mladshiy Leytenant Dmitri Popovich. Popovich was recently promoted to the officer corps due to his uncanny knowledge of the fascist invader, often knowing what the Nazi officers are thinking even before they know themselves. "Look into my eye, and you will see the indomitable Russian Fighting Spirit." Mladshiy Serzhant Ivan Feydorivich, the famous farmboy from North Russia. Feydorivich was responsible for destroying several Nazi vehicles, and fascists too numerous to count in their last mission. "The fascist dogs are inferior in every way to Russians. I just wish they were more of a challenge." Medic Sasha Sikorsky. Not only is she handy with medical equipment, she's pretty good with pistols, rifles, and bayonets, too. "My men don't need my help very much, so I join in on the fight. It's such a rush when the Fascist rapists run from a strong Russian Woman." Private Gregor Zuikov. He's the strong, silent type, preferring to let his actions speak instead of words. And, his actions speak loudly indeed - his squadmates say that he often forgoes his rifle in favor of a few anti-tank grenades, loving the chaos created when he single-handedly charges fascist vehicles. He didn't have a quote for us, but we could tell by the look in his eyes that he lives for the fight with fascists! Private Akhmend Ahriman. He's the wise-cracking, hard-charging infantryman who's as handy with the one-liner as the Nagant. "I lighten the men's spirits while lighting up the Fascist Pig-dogs. Killing Nazis is good, clean fun!" Congratulations to these handpicked troops! You're fortunate to be allowed to earn the glory due Russian Heroes. May you live up to Ilya Vasilovich's example!