[PyrNet-L] Sabastien

[Adrienne Wilder <draggon@STC.Net>]

I did not want to write this, but I had some how hoped it would 
help in dealing with what I have to face.
	Where do pyrs go when they die?  
	Is there a heaven just for them filled with sheep and goats and 
completely empty of fence?  I hope so.
	I know that when they are ill they are well again and when they 
are old they are young, I hope that when they are filled with an 
unmanagable rage and hate for the world, that that is cured too.
	I took Sabastien home with me two and a half years ago.  I knew 
then where I got him from was not the ideal place. But I did it, despite 
knowing better.  I knew there was something not right after a few days. 
 Who ever heard of a puppy that would not bond.  Sabastien didn't.  
Sabastien simply hated.  Every one was his enemy.  You could see it in 
is eyes.  It was a year before he ever really excepted me and we had 
many trials inbetween. But I handeled them.  I was hell bent determined 
I would handel him.  Socilization, training,desensitizing him to sounds, 
while he worked through each trial and test, he could never except the 
outside world.  Sabastien went from my friend to my burden.  I will 
never be able to make people understand the importance of temperment in 
this breed.  Ignorant people who breed these dogs becasue they want to 
supply puppies simply can't comprehend the dangerous and heart breaking 
scenerios they are setting up.
	It took me a long time to except and swollow just how dangerous 
my dog truly was.  Even then, I could not give him up.  He was my burden 
and I would carry him. Just as I carried him as he was given to death. 
Just as I carried him to his grave today.  Just as I dug it in the hard 
earth.  Just as I carried tears for him.  He was my responsibility and I 
could not ask any one to carry that burden or task for me.  I could not 
ask the world to except him as he was and I could not endager any one 
else.  
	Sabastien never got a chance to bite.   I knew very well he was 
capable of it, he made that clear on to many occasions.  I simply could 
not take the chance of that happening.  I could not ask that some one 
else suffer physically what I felt emotionally every day when I got up 
and I would wonder if today would be the day.  I have talked to to many 
people who choose to keep their agressive dogs.  I told them what I knew 
all along, from the day that I brought him home.  This will only last so 
long, you can only take the stress and carry the burden for so long.  
Just hope that your own fear of loneliness gives out before the dog 
hurts some one.
	I gave out today.  I couldn't carry him any more.  I could not 
protect him from the world and I could not risk the chance of some one 
getting hurt.  While other pyrs have the ability to judge people, 
Sabastien simply hated them all.  Hate is frightening thing to see in 
the eyes of a dog.
	So today I releived him of his hate.  I took away the pain that 
was drawing his body up into a horrible hunch back form.  I took away 
what ever illness that was eating the muscel from his body. Most of all 
I took away my own fears becasue I could not live with them any more. 
Maybe I am weak, maybe I am a coward, maybe I am a failure, but damn any 
one who dare say I did not love my dog.  I would have bore 100 stiches 
to my face if I thought it would have cured his hate.  I know what I did 
was not the right thing to do.  But it was the only thing left I knew to 
do.
	I am so sorry Sabstien. Momma couldn't make it better and I am 
so sorry.    	
-- 


Adrienne Wilder  www.stc.net/~draggon/index.htm (pet portraits)
Murrayville GA

"Oh, to be loved by a dog!"
"Grieve not for time that shoudl have been
laugh joyously for time that was."

Home of:
The golden gang,
Patou and the evil sister geese.
and many stray cats.